Faded memories

Memories

An autobiography

Written in disappearing ink

Charted events and beliefs

All laid out in synaptic link

Corrupted images

So easy to deceive

Changing histories

And profoundly altering

The things you need to believe

An image in view

That can only ever be true

For you

But one that fades

So you can never trust

Those synaptic bonds

As truth crumbles to dust

…………. Memories lie

They create their own seed

That grows and spreads

And tells you what it thinks you need

Shares history’s light

But ultimately leaves you blind

Fumbling in the dark

For what you might find

…………… Memories burn

They fire imagination

And lay waste to uncertainty

Then leave you unsure

With a bitter taste

As they become their own entity

…….. Memories

Which were once a guide

A personal sage

Lost in the degradation

On a self-written page

***************

Billy ’22

Tomorrow is Saturday

Today was Friday, it barely registered

Tomorrow is Saturday, I will try to be better

You see that?

That was way too easy

Like how the muse

Can redirect your passions if you let her

You see just how easy it is to lie to yourself

And actually follow that diversion

To even feel a spark of positivity

Before seeing through your own self-deception?

There is no better tomorrow

I’ll be sat on my arse growling at the World

Trying to hide the growling from the small one

Around who

My only hopes for any future are furled

So yeah, today drifted through unlived

And tomorrow is still waiting

For it’s heart’s first beat

And although I’ll be sat here growling at the World?

I’ll know it’s still laid out there at my feet

I get that it’s a numbers game

And you’ll only catch life, if you are giving chase

But I stopped running a while back now

Sat where I was, which is why I’m in this place

Among the many regrets I bear

Is the time it took to realise the cost

The cost of looking back, of fears, of pain

Of doubling down by chasing what was lost

Today was Friday, I let it pass unharmed

So it now becomes just another forgotten day

Saturday could be mine if I chose to reach out

But is more likely destined

To join the others in the grey

**************

Billy 22/01/21

Lockdown 3 .. (Uptown Girl) … By Billy Not-Joel

Lockdown 3

Now we’re living here in lockdown 3

And now she can’t go to a High Street shop

And now her life is going to have to stop

****

Because we’re stuck in a lockdown 3

And now her family is all she’ll see

Because she wouldn’t stay at home before

So now she can’t go out the fucking door

That’s how it is

*******
And when she knows what

She wants from her time

And when she wakes up

And makes up her mind

*******
She’ll see that cough is rough

Just because

We’re now stuck back in lockdown 3

Because she went out with mates for tea

And she was tired of her private toys

So she got it on with one or two boys

She had a choice

*******

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh
*******

Lockdown 3

And now you’re stuck at home online with me

But maybe someday when we’ve kicked this in

You’ll understand what kind of twat you’ve ‘bin’

And then we’ll win

*******
And when she’s breathing

She’s like a steam trai-ai-ain

But she’s to blame

As she went out agai…ai…ain

*******
She’ll say I’m not so chuffed

Stuck indoors

Just because

We’re in lockdown 3

She’s been living her best life so free

Because she wouldn’t stay the fuck at home

Now feels she’s living on her mobile phone

The stupid crone

*******

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

*******
Lockdown 3

We’re in Lockdown 3…ee..ee

You know that we’re stuck

Back in Lockdown 3

Oh Lockdown 3..ee..ee

You know that we’re fucked

Back in Lockdown 3

Oh Lockdown 3..ee..ee

You know that we’re stuck

Back in Lockdown 3

Oh Lockdown 3..ee..ee

You know that we’ve fucked it

We’re in Lockdown 3

*******

Billy 05/01/21

My Corona … By The Knackered (yeah, all right, it’s only me)

Ooh you little shitty ones, you shitty ones

When you gonna leave us alone, Corona

Ooh you hurt my fucking lungs, my fucking lungs

Made just going out a fucking crime, Corona

Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty cough

Always hacking up, stand too close, and you won’t fuck off

My, my, my, aaa, aaa-tchooooo

My-my-my-my Corona

My-my-my-my Corona

**********

You’re a bit too close now hun, so back it up

Close enough, I’ll poke you in the eye, Corona

Keep your fucking mask on or, I’ll knock you out

Can’t read my lips so see it in my eyes, Corona

Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty cough

Always hacking up, stand too close, and you won’t step off

My, my, my, aaa, aaa-tchooooo

My-my-my-my Corona

My-my-my-my Corona

**********

When you gonna fuck right off, just fuck right off

Is it just a matter of time, Corona

Could I have immunity, immunity

Or are you gonna put me on my back, Corona

Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty cough

Always hacking up, stand too close, and you won’t back off

My, my, my, aaa, aaa-tchooooo

M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my aaa-aaatchooo

My-my-my-my Corona

My-my-my-my Corona

My-my-my-my Corona

***********

Billy 31/12/2020

The dark at the end of the tunnel

So, so, so disheartened

How the fuck did I get to here?

When did the wall come down?

What happened to being thick skinned and insincere?

**************

When did I get so affected?

Tragedy is the norm for every day

So when did the pain arrive?

The pain I simply never felt and easily shrugged away

**************

Is this a sad acceptance?

The end of defiant rail against age?

Or more of a submission?

Embracing the melancholy that once was warded off with rage

**************

I hate the World I’m trapped in

This World is fragmented, broken apart

People are hurting

And empathy is breaking my freshly unguarded heart

**************

I never saw this coming

I never saw a day I’d feel like giving in

I never saw these feelings of helplessness

Or this creeping realisation that rationality may never again win

*************

The chaos is blinding

With fear of reflection a possible cause

Self-image dictates the voice you use

And currently my voice is guided by my recognition of my flaws

*************

I suppose I’m just frightened by sadness

Afraid of it’s influence on this World-weary mind

Afraid I will never be able to come to terms

With a World that is so full of hate, fear and mistrust all intertwined

************

As a species, we thrive on love

Me though? I appear to be running on my fears

Fuelled by the heartache that accumulates over years

Years of wiping those unresolved feelings that leak out as tears

***********

It weighs heavy

And gets tiring when the thoughts bleed

And now that my resolve is weak

I fear the shadows where those thoughts might want to lead

************

The whole thing’s getting harder

It used to feel good to soak up the light

Giving up was easier than I thought it would be

I’m beginning to see now that I’ve already lost this fight

************

I feel I’m just marking time

To walk through flame. or burn on the pyre

I’ll either be ashes on the breeze

Or I’ll rise like a phoenix from the embers of my fire

***********

Billy 15/12/20

Happy Birthday To You

Time distorts at either end

Never stops but often bends

Finds it’s path with no remorse

Devours all along it’s course

Filters rage and nurtures sage

Brings the pain that grows with age

You drag the Earth around the Sun

And move your counter forward one.

…

Billy 25/10/20

Faces

 

Faces, fucking faces

Everywhere you look

It’s smug fucking faces

Faces full of jumped up airs and graces

With true intent

Sometimes flashing through in traces

Faces I’d gladly be looking at

Down the barrel

From twenty fucking paces

Faces that think that every fucker else

Should be kept in their little places

Unfeasibly fat faces

Gorged on the spoils of their fortune chases

Faces that don’t give a fuck

Which heartache your heart currently embraces

As long as you fill your little spaces

And keep the flow of cream

Into those bloated fucking faces

Faces that get to live

While your lives are stuck in stasis

Running round in your little mazes

Eat, sleep, work and die

When told

And on an ongoing fucking basis

Faces held accountable

In a diminishing number of cases

That claim they beat you fair and square

When first

They cut your laces

Faces that tell you they feel your thirst

As they swim in a private oasis

Yeah, those are the Faces

The faces with all the airs and graces

The ones who fucked off to the Caymans

With arms full of cash-stuffed cases

While you and I looked into hungry eyes

In despairing, haunted faces

…..

Billy 30/8/20

BLEAK

Fuck me the future seems bleak

The bollocks we’re witnessing week after week

Society bending and starting to creak

With the weight of the shit being piled on the meek

Whatever happened to wanting reform?

With stepping past hunger, remaining the norm

As ignorance steers them straight into the storm

But no one is freezing if they’re safe and warm

I fear that division is now in control

Divided and conquered, no longer a shoal

Constituent parts that once made up a whole

Where we worked as a team to achieve any goal

And yet if I say this I’m branded a fink

For daring to stir you and cause you think

For daring to see these connections that link

Creating a cocktail you don’t want to drink

No matter your line, you won’t dictate my fate

I’ll keep adding coals to the embers in the grate

I won’t let your anger block me out of this debate

And I sure as fuck won’t let you twist me with your hate

Empathy hurts when it’s surrounded by pain

Victory hollowed by the silence of the slain

As we pander to sociopaths more and more insane

And nurture our very society’s bane

.

Billy 12/7/20

Your view reflects on you

Makes me fucking piss

When I hear my history read

When I haven’t bothered

To write the bastard yet

It makes my arse laugh

That you profile me

Using personal biases

You then conveniently forget

It will never fail to amuse me

That you really think you know

The rationales and reasons

Behind the things I choose to do

And it’s simply fucking hilarious

That the image this creates

Is fuck all to do with me

But just a shite reflection of you

..

Angry Billy 19/7/20

Missing: Bojo the Dancing Clown

DIGITAL CAMERA

Has anyone seen Bojo? It appears he’s not been seen

His office is completely bare, It’s like he’s never been

Where is that gormless pile of shite? And spew of lies he doesn’t mean?

The type of guy who sees blood on his hands, but simply wipes the fuckers clean

…….

Do you reckon we should worry, that he just cannot be found?

I mean it’s kind of hard to miss the cunt, he’s big, and blonde, and round

We should be able to hear him, making some fucking stupid sound

But no, it seems the useless cunt has truly gone to ground

…….

He surely takes some hiding, this ain’t no little midge

Even trolls don’t want to know, so he won’t be welcome under the bridge

And yet we haven’t heard a word, not even a little smidge

Could everyone pop to the kitchen, and check your fucking fridge

…….

Where does Cummings have him stashed, while he’s working on his newest bilk?

Skimming off the cream while the rest of us can only scramble for the spoiling milk

He’ll be tucked away in an ivory tower, draped in all the finest silk

While the knives that slice the pie are only wielded by a certain ilk

…….

So now the dancing puppet, has been quietly stashed away

While he’s coached in how to look and rehearses what to not quite say

As those who put him up there, slowly realise he doesn’t give a flying shite what they have to say

Incompetence in human form, put in place with a nominal role to play

…….

What will it take, for you to accept that this simply isn’t right?

Every time we open our eyes, we discover new things that were taken in the night

With scant regard for whether any of this truth will ever come to light

These people will not nourish you…… They’re nothing but a vicious blight

…….

And yet the haunted marshmallow, who is nothing but a privileged shill

Gets to go and hide from all the uproar of the dying and the terminally ill

While he works out how to pass the buck and run out on the bill

He’s dropped the ball and fucked things up, it’s what he does and he always fucking will

…….

Billy 18/8/20