Don’t Ask Me

rainfall.jpg

Don’t ask me to explain

Why sometimes

I’d rather walk in the rain

Why words

Can sometimes fail

Or just seem to no avail

Don’t ask me the reason why

Faith as strong as the sky is high

Can be shattered

In a moment

A loosely swaying remnant

 

Don’t look to me for light

Like some kind of

Altruistic knight

I’m not even close

To gaining best

In my own internal conquest

Don’t ever try to understand

The forces that seem

To guide a hand

We’re a different person every day

Each step we take

Dictates our way

 

Don’t look for fairness or parity

In a World  built on greed

Not charity

There is no graciously warm relief

Until first you’ve tasted

Bitter grief

Don’t expect to see shame

Reflected in the eyes

Of those you blame

They’ll always find a way to justify

Or give themselves

An alibi

 

Don’t ask me to explain

Why life today

Just seems steeped in pain

It’s not that I don’t care

It’s just I have no more

Faith to share

 

Billy 14/4/17

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Walking the dog

black dog

Life smiles sweetly

As it stabs you in the back

And seeks new ways

To throw you off the track

Laughs in your face

As it shrouds you in black

Where the dog cocks an ear

Sniffs the air

Smells your fear

Stalks you through your shadows

Drawing ever more near

Shadows that breathe,

Writhe

And seethe

As you longingly thirst

To drink from the Lethe

Where thoughts revolve

Thoughts devolve

And memories find release

As thoughts dissolve

No need to run

Soporific peace hard won

Bathing in the river

Black dog’s bite undone

A brief respite

Just a pause in the fight

Black dog’s turn

To hide from the light

As you float with the stream

Explore this new dream

While always aware

Things are not as they seem

Anxiety churns

As through the haze

The fire of truth burns

Clouds descend

And black dog returns

 

Billy 7/4/17

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dream for Hope

hopesanddreams

We have to stop
We have to stop pretending it will be OK
We have to stop answering when the greedy pray
We have to stop… And this is what we have to say

“We will no longer cry”
“We will no longer let our young be the ones sent to die”
“We will no longer be usurped and held down by your lie”
“We will no longer be told what to use and when to buy”

For far too long
For far too long, too little had to suffice
For far too long we’ve been experimented on like mice
For far too long we have lived, to your throw of the dice

The time has come
The time has come for us to claim our own
The time has come for us to respond to what we’re shown
The time has come for truth to out, and myth to be blown

We have a choice
We have a choice to be the best we can
We have a choice to be more than just an “also ran”
We have a choice to live for the better of our fellow Man

Maybe it’s just me
Maybe it’s just me that sees the things I do
Maybe it’s just me that needs to learn to see this through
Maybe it’s just me, and none of this resonates with you

I dream for hope
I dream for hope to be the guiding message in my tale
I dream for hope in this age when we’re all set up to fail
I dream for hope to rise above the fear, and finally prevail

Billy 10/12/2016

Outside looking in

keyhole

Been out here so long
It’s become home
Lost,
And always on the roam
A tree
That never sprouts new shoot
How do you fruit?
If you can’t take root?
A view
Of what I see on the inside
No spark
Like a life of being along for a ride
A life
That belongs to mothers
Sons and brothers
And significant others
But never me
Cursed by feeling free
And unable to see
Just who I need to be
Looking for a niche
My own song
A chorus of longing
To belong
To engage like a gear
Cogs entwine
Toe society’s line
Their World turning mine
A way back to the fold
Seeking gold
Empowering and making bold
…. Even just a flame to hold
Flickering … Hope
Burning somewhere deep within
A new chapter
Waiting to begin
A desire
To just look myself in the face
Find my saving grace
And a way back into the race

Billy 14/11/16

Walking my own path

walking-on-my-own-path

If there’s a judgement forming?
Then just fucking don’t
An attempt to label who I am?
Well it just fucking won’t
You really think you’re helping here?
You couldn’t be more wrong
Your just filling my gaps with your own views
Putting them where they don’t fucking belong
Please don’t use your standards
To judge the things I do
I don’t necessarily march along
To the same beat of the drum as you
Your World, and mine, are not the same
They turn at their own pace
To find their paths to what will be
It’s not a fucking race
So now I’ll struggle forwards
Try to follow my own lead
Through this thorny uncertainty
You cultured from your seed
I will take your judgement
And what you think you know
And even though it weighs me down?
I just won’t let it show
So get off your moral high horse
Try to see things from down here
Then before you make assumptions
Don’t just listen.. Try to hear
I won’t try to meet your challenge
Play your game and toe your line
Because although you think it’s the only way?
That’s your opinion ……… Not fucking mine

Billy 16/9/16

Life and Futility

futility.jpg

When you can’t get the words out
Or the feelings on the page
Brain just saying “Fuck you”
And refusing to engage
An internal tide of chaos
With no way to assuage
Too civilised, or programmed
To give in to the rage

The pain that burns inside
Leaves you virtually blind
You fumble in the dark
For any reasons you can find
Trying to collect
The scattered fragments of your mind
The ultimate desire
See what was broken re-entwined

But that way leads to hope
Hope never pays it’s way
Hope just makes suggestions
Of a path out of the grey
Hope’s a dangled carrot
First it’s shown, then pulled away
Hope is just a game
That we never asked to play

The thing I fear the most?
One day I’ll cease to care
And I’ll be less affected
As life pulls away my chair
One day I won’t react
When I see that life’s unfair
And I’ll just turn away from things
I just don’t want to bear

That will be the day I’ll know
That I just cannot win
And if I cannot see this through?
Then why should I begin?
The cards are stacked against us
And rigged to draw us in
The shit is always neck deep
There is no thick or thin

Billy 26/8/16

Downhill in all directions

Top Highest Waterfall

Nothing seems real
You forget how to feel
When you fall from the top of the World

No longer moved
By what was once a big deal
When you fall from the top of the World

It’s downhill all round
A long way to the ground
When you fall from the top of the World

Music has no soul
Just becomes an ordered sound
When you fall from the top of the World

Spirit seeking hope
Never finds any good
When you fall from the top of the World

A heart that once dreamed
Now splintered like wood
When you fall from the top of the World

No blessed relief
A happiness thief
When you fall from the top of the World

No spark left inside
Extinguished by grief
When you fall from the top of the World

Billy 21/08/16