Walking the dog

black dog

Life smiles sweetly

As it stabs you in the back

And seeks new ways

To throw you off the track

Laughs in your face

As it shrouds you in black

Where the dog cocks an ear

Sniffs the air

Smells your fear

Stalks you through your shadows

Drawing ever more near

Shadows that breathe,

Writhe

And seethe

As you longingly thirst

To drink from the Lethe

Where thoughts revolve

Thoughts devolve

And memories find release

As thoughts dissolve

No need to run

Soporific peace hard won

Bathing in the river

Black dog’s bite undone

A brief respite

Just a pause in the fight

Black dog’s turn

To hide from the light

As you float with the stream

Explore this new dream

While always aware

Things are not as they seem

Anxiety churns

As through the haze

The fire of truth burns

Clouds descend

And black dog returns

 

Billy 7/4/17

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Outside looking in

keyhole

Been out here so long
It’s become home
Lost,
And always on the roam
A tree
That never sprouts new shoot
How do you fruit?
If you can’t take root?
A view
Of what I see on the inside
No spark
Like a life of being along for a ride
A life
That belongs to mothers
Sons and brothers
And significant others
But never me
Cursed by feeling free
And unable to see
Just who I need to be
Looking for a niche
My own song
A chorus of longing
To belong
To engage like a gear
Cogs entwine
Toe society’s line
Their World turning mine
A way back to the fold
Seeking gold
Empowering and making bold
…. Even just a flame to hold
Flickering … Hope
Burning somewhere deep within
A new chapter
Waiting to begin
A desire
To just look myself in the face
Find my saving grace
And a way back into the race

Billy 14/11/16

I should listen

innerspeech2

There’s been a whisper
Every time in my head when I make a choice
More a sense of knowing
Than any kind of actual voice
Like a separate me
One that’s steeped in age
Timeless in knowledge
Dripping with the wisdom of a sage
A guiding hand
That would lead me as I go
Lead me to conclusions
That I must already know

And yet this inner knowing
Is left to go unheard
And knowing that it’s from within
Just makes that more absurd
It seems my inner guardian
With answers to my fears
Has faded into background noise
And fallen on deaf ears
The little piece within me
That wants to see me fly
Finds himself outnumbered
By me, myself and I

Billy 6/11/16

Living by Proxy

 

Well I’m back lovely people, has anyone missed me?
I’ve been offline for weeks, felt I was in Purgatory

It came as quite a shock, how dependent I’d become
On living my life through others, whilst sat here on my bum

I need to make some changes, prioritise a bit
Get out and smell manure in the fields, instead of wading through Facebook shit

I may have felt lost in some ways in these weeks
But it’s opened my eyes to the way that life leaks

The gaps filled with fog when I would have been here
Were spent looking inwards with vision newly clear

Facing up to the stuff that I’d been trying to avoid
Can be quite therapeutic, so I’m feeling rather buoyed

I only hope this bridge will stand strong and stay erect
My route back from the virtual, with a positive effect

I’m gonna try making that lemonade, with the lemons that life has sent
Just coming on here for a laugh or a chat, a debate or just maybe to vent

Well anyway, as usual I will end with a kind of a point
Try to make some sense of the time I’ve been spending in this joint

One foot’s in the “real-world” now, testing the water’s heat
No more living by proxy, I’m back in the driving seat

Billy 08/08/2014