A Plan .. Kind of ..

fork_road_byhubertk

I have a thirst to slake
Mistakes to make
Chances to take
And a smile to fake
Desires to chase
Tides to race
Fears to embrace
Shadows to erase
Truths to reveal
Secrets to conceal
Heartbreaks to heal
Injustice to appeal
A future to greet
Successes to repeat
Demons to defeat
Goals to complete
Cares to give
Memories to sieve
Past glories to relive
Wrongs to forgive
Tears to sadly cry
Strength to say goodbye
Willingness to try
And the heart to question why

Billy 27/8/15

Advertisements

Numb

thinker

Numb, to the point of being struck dumb
So just sat listening to the background hum
Gnawing on the lining of my own gum
Musing on how it seems to be alright for some
How they seem fine with the beat of life’s drum
And are happy to tap along to the rum-tum-tum
Immune to the changes which invariably come
And turn dreams to ash, and foundations to crumb

Billy 25/8/15

THE DAY I DIED

dead

Is there anyone there?
Can you help me?
I don’t understand
Why can’t I see?
Why can’t I even feel my own hand?
What’s happening? What’s going on?
Is that someone screaming I can hear?
Or a faint, distant song?
Why can’t I remember where I am?
What the fuck?, Anyone please?
Are those people moving around?
Or is it the movement of trees?
Think man, think!!!
Connect with your mind
What can you remember?
What can you find?
…… I remember…
….. A song …
I remember belting out the words
As I was driving along
That’s all, just a song
Hang on… Driving?
Oh no!
Please let me be wrong
Who is that fucking screaming?
I wish they would stop.. I can’t think
The noise is distracting, I can’t think
I feel numb like I’ve just had a drink
I’m sure I just heard my name called by a tree
A tree saying, “Billy, try to focus please on me”
Again, a voice asking me about pain
I’m beginning to doubt it’s a tree
That would be insane
The pain has just awoken memory
And that screaming?
It seems that’s me
I can see the paramedic
I’d thought had been a tree
It’s harder to focus now
Faces of loved ones passing in a flash
Snippets of memory
Leading up to the crash
The screaming’s stopped now
Or maybe I just can’t hear it anymore
All that’s left is a sad, bitter taste
And images of all those people I adore
I’d always hoped to go with dignity
A symbolic passing through a closing door
But fate, it seems, has other plans
So here I am on this cold, wet floor
There is a lesson here
A lesson about leaving things unsaid
About never holding back in life
Because of what may be ahead
You can count all your yesterdays
And measure time gone by
But what’s ahead is yet to be
And tomorrow is a lie

Billy 19/8/15

PAINSOMNIA

tossing and turning

Didn’t get much sleep last night
Wave after wave of throbbing pain
Groaning over the sound
Of the usually soporific, comforting rain
Trying to find a shape
Of peaceful repose
But only ever for a brief refrain
Then somehow it finds you in the dark, it knows
Twisting, writhing
Just trying to escape its grip
But tied there, caught in the rip
I’d sink if I were a ship
Asking the empty night
To just quietly past me creep
Shut the door behind it
And allow some blessed sleep
But no it’s there
Literally in my face
I wont get to dream again tonight
I’m not being granted any grace
Again I’ll wrestle with pillows
I’ll fight with the sheet
As the pain dictates terms
Of this waking defeat
And once again, the pain has won
Night-time bows to comfort’s thief
As all too soon the night is taken
Day steals in with no relief

Billy 14/8/15

Falling in Slow Motion

mr-a-falls

Falling

But in slow motion so I see everything clearly

Reaching out a hand
And almost catching hold

Nearly

Oh… so nearly

Whilst clinging close
Those thoughts held so dearly

Images of loved ones
Picturing faces so clearly

And times gone by

Times of smiles

And wasted whiles…
And memories stretching on for miles

All remembered
Cherished
Fondly framed

To keep the feelings fresh

Alive and aflame
Although time demands
That nothing stays the same

I’m falling
But only on the inside
There is no need to fear

There’s nothing that can hurt me

In here
Billy 13/8/15

If you don’t know, ask

question mark

We’re all
Tied down with
Questions

We all have things
We need
To know

It’s by educating ourselves

That we allow

Ourselves
To grow

So never stop learning

Never fail
To hold up your hand

Ask for explanations

Know what
You are standing for

Before
You make your stand

Always seek answers

Don’t be blind
To answers
That
You wouldn’t want to see

Ignorance
Fears not
Fate

And will not set you free

Billy 12/8/15

Tongue So Sharp

razor

You’re a clever bugger
A proper bright spark
Mind so sharp
It sees the light before the lark
Glib of tongue
and sharp of wit
If the facts are wrong
You make the fuckers fit
Wielding humour like a blade
Cutting bullshit to the quick
Always ready with a line
To make your doubters look a dick
It’s a shame they’ll never know
That the speil is all an act
Defensive mechanisms
Keeping tortured mind intact
It’s a shame you can’t just tell them
That your wish is not to hate
It’s their own fault for releasing
What was locked behind that gate
So now your heart is heavy
With truths spilled red like blood
As they reel from the tide
Of this vitriolic flood
Wishing words were left unspoken
For your conscience to appease
Or those words to have no power
And just scatter in the breeze
But those arrows have been fired
Whether chosen, or through fate
And they truly found their mark
So sorrow now? … It’s just too late

Billy 2/8/15