The Night Cries

voices_in_my_head-mrmvlm-d

Well, it’s 3 a.m. and I’m still up
Don’t have so much of a sleep pattern, it’s more a random guess
Things kinda happen when they want
A holistic way of living that used get me by, more or less

But the system’s not holding together
Which is why pervasive thoughts invade the dark of night
When defense is weakened by comfort’s lies
Forcing deep subconscious stirrings, unable to run but unwilling to fight

Distorting lines that were straight by light of day
New realities forming in the mist, but not emerging from the gloom
The constant tingle, creeping up the spine
Reminiscent of that feeling when someone walks across your un-dug tomb

Unable even to complete a simple train of thought
The “rhubarb” of random crowd noises , a deafening echo within my own head
Chiding, jeering, mocking.. an imagined assault
A carcass strewn battlefield of reality, from which this tortured mind has fled

Seeking sanctuary as a way to ease the pain
Which I suppose would be best served by trying to close these eyes
To sleep, find some peace, maybe the voices will fade?
But it’s 3 a.m. and I am sat here.. And I’m still listening to their cries

Billy 30/12/14

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Misted History

old

I hear people talk about the “good old days”
How things were not nearly as bad
How people cared more about each other
And no-one ever seemed to be as sad

I know what they’re saying
I get it, I really do
But have they really got it right?
I mean, have they really thought this through?

Oh how easy some forget
It must be therapeutic to have memory so pure
Without the trials, tribulations, pain and regret
Of illness. cold and hunger that many had to endure

We talk about those simpler days
As though if we could, we would want to rewind
Forgetting the darker shadow we cast
The black and white truths that we left far behind

They talk about the “mists of time”
It’s taken a while, but I now know what they mean
How simply we think we resolve the past
When actually we don’t… It just remains unseen

Through misty eyes we will gaze on ahead
Those spirits we shun will continue to haunt
A link to a path that we choose not to walk
The truths are still there, but we’ll see what we want

Billy 25/12/14

Christmas Shine

smile

I’m sending you all a Yuletide greeting
Wishing you all the very best
For this moment in time, ever fleeting
And hoping your lives may be blessed

Here’s hoping the seasonal sharing of cheer
Shines a light in the darkest abyss
Delivering hope and abstention from fear
Caressing your soul with it’s kiss

Laying Winter aside for the briefest refrain
And re-igniting the spark
The light that will lead ’til the Spring comes again
Reclaiming it’s place from the dark

So raise up a glass, or just hold someone tight
And be in the moment beguiled
A time to see magic in stars in the night
And release your inner child

Billy 24/12/14

Inside a Shattered Shell

leaf

Have you ever been alone in a room?
Yet somehow, still felt second best?
Do you feel cursed by individuality?
And just wish you were more like the rest?

Have you ever looked into that window?
And watched your own life passing by?
Have you ever just felt you’re unworthy?
But never really understood why?

Do you find that you’ve come to a standstill?
And a smile is a thing of the past?
Do you never allow love to break through?
Because you do not believe it can last?

Is denial of hope just a symptom?
A fear of rejections to come?
Or protective response to life’s heartbreaks?
“I can’t fight, so I’d rather feel numb”

Do you know what it means to feel broken?
Trying to hold together a shattered shell?
Your spirit on it’s hands and knees
When it tried to stand .. it fell

Have you ever thought, you might be wrong?
And that none of this is real?
These constant questions, raising doubts
I know exactly how you feel 😦

Billy 11/12/14

Moonbeams

moonbeams

I’m looking for a Moonbeam
I’m looking for a way to cut the dark in half
A way to light a path
Illuminate the world with the brightness of a child’s laugh

A new way of thinking
New philosophy in our hour of need
Bring it forth from seed
Then watch it take root, and spread like a weed

Make the world see the truth
Show them we can do this right
Redirect the energies that fuel the fight
That keep us all locked in perpetual night

Just a single Moonbeam
Enough to banish the darkest shade
Unfold the true nature with which we’re made
Irrepressibility, we can shine, we don’t have to fade

In time we’ll find our light
The world will emerge from the grey
Let children smile, sing, dance, even play
Leave the night of past behind, and embrace the coming day

Billy 6/12/14

A Hero of Heart

hand

The World and I don’t seem to be getting on too well at the minute
But I’m going to knock it into shape

Determination and will, the driving forces to sculpt the World I want
I don’t need to wear a cape

Masks are for people hiding true intent, to keep a truth unknown
You can look me in the eye

This World I want to build is not just for me, it’s for all, and one, alike
I’ll be happy with my little piece of the pie

You don’t need to wear your pants on the outside to show you have balls
As for tights? You’re having a laugh!!

I’m just looking to create something real, sow a seed for the future to reap
Without all the costumes and faff

Most charitable acts of our day, revolve round the sharing of material wealth
Though this helps, is it really a cure?

Or just a need to appease something found deep within, bubbling under the skin
A conscience… Or Soul, running pure

We’ve created these Heroes ourselves, they’re the conscience we try to absolve
Our attempt to excuse helpless thought

But you come to a time when you have to step up, leave the comics behind
Be that Hero by submitting to nought

It’s only by building emotional walls can I begin to construct my new World
I’ll need those foundations to start

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from those heroes, although their time is gone
Their strongest power of all??.. Has always been the heart

Billy 1/12/2014