A Mindful Christmas

xmas

Guess what it’s nearly Christmas, that “magical” time of the year
The time when we’re all far too busy to think if our actions will really bring cheer
We’re all so swept up in the moment, so filled to the brim with our glee
We assume it’s the same for all others as well so we we fail to look up just to see

If we did take the time to look round us, look into the faces around
You may see some different expressions, you may not like what you have found
We all have our own little crosses to bear, some carry them under a screen
Some hide all their anguish behind a false smile as they don’t want the truth to be seen

Christmas is meant to be happy, it’s a time for our children to play
We shouldn’t be spoiling the moment, we shouldn’t let sadness get in the way
This feeling that this is what’s needed, although feeling that you just can’t cope
Is the true cost of Christmas for many, The tree lights don’t fill them with hope

I’m not saying don’t have a cracker, I’m not saying not to have fun
I’m just saying please think of others, just remember there’s always the one
That person who has their own reason’s, for sadness at this joyful time
Please just be aware that we’re not all the same and for some this is all just a mime

Billy 12/12/2013 😀

Indivi-Duality

brain

Hitting new lows head-on with a smile
Never submitting to sink without trace
A public mask, a screen to stay unseen
Society’s desire, for me to not show my real face

“Stop being so different.. Just do as we do”
“How come it’s so hard to just act like the norm?”
“We can’t have you thinking you’re not like the rest”
“Keep taking your tablets and try to conform”

I can’t help these feelings. I can’t stop these thoughts
I’m a victim of wars that I’ve fought in my head
The result of those battles, a delicate truce
A tenuous grip that’s averting the dread

This border within me, this line in the sand
Allowing some peace in tumultuous mind
This personal feeling, my own private jail
I’m the chain and the lock, It’s my heart that I bind

It’s finding a balance that allows me to breathe
I’m alive, that’s what counts in the grand scheme of things
You thinking my difference is your’s to define
Wont stop me from seeing what my own way brings

So just bear in mind, we are not all the same
Don’t judge me for showing the heart that I show
My thoughts are my own and I’m fighting my war
Am I winning or losing? Well, I may never know

Billy 29/11/2014 😀

Older but Wiser

drunk

Saturday night, sat here at home
A bit of telly, coffee, summat to eat
Comfy on the sofa, the new out
Chocolate Crunchy Rocks as a bit of a treat

I remember the night clubs and pubs of my youth
The flesh market on a Saturday night session
Silly young lads, in alcohol soaked
End the night in the cells for drunken aggression

Tearful remorse as lovers say their goodbye’s
Parting ways with a heart full of beer-goggle cheer
Waking up with the shame of memory’s return
Always the same when they’ve been on the beer

You come to an age where you can’t see the fun
It even seems like a battle to get to the bar
And then there’s the fact that you don’t drink and drive
And with our streets at night? I’d rather be in the car

I wonder what happened, just when did I change?
Just when did my youth, life and spirit depart?
This new way of seeing my week to it’s end
Means I just have to face it, I’m a grumpy old fart

Billy 22/11/2014

Living a Life

flower

You know, now that I’ve hit 50, I’ve been thinking
How was I expecting to feel inside?
Did I expect to be any different to the person I’ve become?
I mean, it’s not like we get to follow a guide

I remember as a child looking forward
Seeing myself but without any details that remain
Just an over-riding image of a person so far changed
But just by time, without the scars indicative of pain

You can imagine, plan, prepare
And lay all the foundations for a future in place
But then Fate takes over and BOOM!!!!
Those foundations of yours? ..Gone without trace

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing certain
Some reach their potential and follow their cause
To those who achieve such fullfilment
You have my envy, respect and applause

For me things have not gone as smoothly
That’s just my Karma and for that there is no-one to blame
Just a philosophical acceptance
That we shouldn’t all be judged as the same

So looking back now I can see how things flowed
I can see how I turned from that boy to this man
Taking solace from knowing, things could always be worse
And pride from the knowledge, I’m doing the best I can

Billy 15/11/2014 😀

Click

click

“Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Am I the only one who finds this question tense?
It just seems so terminal, so final
Closure in a can…Condensed

Something could happen which I might miss
A connection that could change my path forever
Opportunities passing unseen through the “net”
By the choice made of that connection to sever

Hovering the curser, so uncertain
Do I really need to put this pressure on a tired mind?
But by closing down and switching off now
Aren’t I technically just making myself blind?

It’s a sad state of affairs this online malarky
Addictive in how it allows easy time to pass
Not so easy when it comes to clicking to close down
The truth is, this damned internet owns my ass

Billy 13/11/14 😀

 

The Pheonix

pheonix

 

I’m trying to keep my head above the surface
Trying to stay ahead of my own game
Rejoicing in the differences that define me
And thankful that we aren’t all the same

I’m glad I’m not a servant to the vitriol
I can look you in the eye and show no shame
Learning that we all have to live with our own pain
And that even though you’re hurting, I’m not the one to blame

Deciding that my own heart is the one that needs a path
Knowledge gained that no direction, means emotionally lame
But at least there’s recognition of a positive refrain
And the life I need to find, to stop my demons laying claim

I know I’m sounding selfish, but that’s how it needs to be
I have to grow some teeth, there’s no gain in staying tame
I have to rise up from these depths, and fly to highs anew
A living, breathing Pheonix, rising up to live again

Billy 10/11/2014

Standing Strong

strong

I’m going to smile,

And I’m going to laugh,

Whether you fucking like it or not

 

I’m gonna get through,

I am going to survive,

Go ahead, throw whatever you’ve got

 

I’m gonna thrive,

I’m going to feel alive,

I can stand here and take your best shot

 

I will stand strong,

My strength will prevail,

Shit like this sadly can’t just be bought

 

I was given the best start,

Blessed with a good heart,

And a will that will kneel down to nought

 

This is one you can’t win,

You won’t break through this skin,

I wont bend at the waist for a despot

 

Billy 7/11/14