Life and Futility

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When you can’t get the words out
Or the feelings on the page
Brain just saying “Fuck you”
And refusing to engage
An internal tide of chaos
With no way to assuage
Too civilised, or programmed
To give in to the rage

The pain that burns inside
Leaves you virtually blind
You fumble in the dark
For any reasons you can find
Trying to collect
The scattered fragments of your mind
The ultimate desire
See what was broken re-entwined

But that way leads to hope
Hope never pays it’s way
Hope just makes suggestions
Of a path out of the grey
Hope’s a dangled carrot
First it’s shown, then pulled away
Hope is just a game
That we never asked to play

The thing I fear the most?
One day I’ll cease to care
And I’ll be less affected
As life pulls away my chair
One day I won’t react
When I see that life’s unfair
And I’ll just turn away from things
I just don’t want to bear

That will be the day I’ll know
That I just cannot win
And if I cannot see this through?
Then why should I begin?
The cards are stacked against us
And rigged to draw us in
The shit is always neck deep
There is no thick or thin

Billy 26/8/16

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Deadwood

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Drifting aimlessly
Taken by current or breeze
Bobbing along on the surface
Looking as though you’re at ease
You used to have a purpose
A function, a small part of a whole
You used to have direction
A use, you had your role
But look at you now
Adrift, thrown over the side
No longer required
A purpose that is now denied
Deadwood, taken by the tide
Swallowed by your own pride
Spat out by life
And half dead on the inside
Destined to drift
With everything you want just out of reach
Your only hope?
To be washed up on some far flung beach
Picked up from the shore to become a vision
Of what someone else can fashion
A second breath of life
To  once more be the object of someone’s passion
Drifting…..
Deadwood…
Drifting
 
Billy 2/7/16

No-One

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When am I going to get my shit together for fuck’s sake?
I really need to give my fucking head a proper shake
Not sure how much more of this shite I’m willing to fucking take
Just sick of hiding the real me to be some kind of plastic fake

When will I accept I’m just as valid as the rest
Stand me up against anyone and put me to the test
But the simple fact is crap like that can’t really judge your best
All it does is re-affirm the shit that I detest

I need to find a purpose, set a realistic goal
Instead of swimming upstream, turn around and join the shoal
I mean lets face it, I’m mainly normal on the whole
But what’s the fucking point, when I’m faced with an empty bowl

How do you quantify something you can’t even define?
How do you make your mark, when all you want to do is shine?
Where’s the right to free expression, when you have to “toe the line”?
How can I call this MY world, when so little of the fucker is MINE?

Well anyway, I’m no-one, just another runner in the race
I join in, though it burns my Soul, I tire of the chase
But no one gives a fuck as long as I bow down with grace
Live, love, breed, fade, die… While taking up our little space

Billy 15/5/15

Hiding Behind My Own Face

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You think you understand me, and can put me in a box
Even though the fear that drives me keeps me wary like the fox
You’re looking straight on at me, but can’t really see a trace
You only see what I let you see.. I’m hiding behind my own face

You’re trying to read a book when it’s closed, a truly pointless task
Looking to find a way within, to see behind the mask
You’re trying to see through barriers my pain has put in place
You only see what I let you see.. I’m hiding behind my own face

I know that need is in there, that desire to unwind
But tempered by my fear of facing up to what I’ll find
You’re looking out for turmoil, but finding only grace
You only see what I let you see.. I’m hiding behind my own face

You should be glad you’re not in here to ride my inner tide
Although I’m sure you have your own dark places deep inside
If only I could break on out, and feel the world’s embrace
But.. You only see what I let you see.. I’m hiding behind my own face

Billy 12/03/15 😀

Out of Adversity

 

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Have you ever felt the beat of a gambler’s heart?
Felt the pulse begin to quicken, as the race comes to an end?
Have you ever known the passion of a lover?
Or the pain of love’s departure as your heart begins to rend

Have you ever tried to stand up to the “system”
With righteous cause, and pride in faith, this bough will never bend
Did you ever think you’d just end up a victim?
Another sad statistic caused by economic trend

Do you wish you had the right to point a finger?
Judging those around you for the misery life sends
Do you think this right would make you any stronger?
Or maybe that such rights could be a way to make amends?

Do you ever want to shake the world around you?
Show them all the darkness, pain and sorrow that impends
Then show them that we need to work together
And show them how to treat each other, so no one offends

Have you ever felt despair and hope’s abandon?
Witnessing the changes, losing that which we depend
Have you ever thought you’ve reached beyond your limits?
Having given all emotion, now there’s nothing left to spend

Have you ever thought of reaching out to others?
Challenge them to look within, if they’ve a hand to lend
I can only hope and dream one day we wake up
And turn this world around then we can help society mend

Billy 18/02/15

You Don’t Have To Like Me!!!

 

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I’m trying to come across as angry
But laughing like a twat up my sleeve
I’m trying to sound all serious
As if any of you fuckers would believe

I’m trying to make a valid point here
And educate the selectively blind
Trying to open-up their eyes to the crap
And rub their faces, in what we find

I’m taking this one for the greater good
Let them throw what they have in my face
Then instead of the flurry of insults and shit
I’ll shame them with honour and grace

I’m very much a creature of language
And happy to stand by my use of it’s tools
Why should I temper my outburts
To accommodate someone else’s rules

It just makes me piss when I see it
And will not change the man that I am
If I did try to be what you wanted
Then my own life would be but a sham

So anyway, what I am trying to say
Is that no matter how loud your cry
I will not be the person you’re seeking
And I’m not even going to try 😀

Billy 17/02/15