No-One

faceless

When am I going to get my shit together for fuck’s sake?
I really need to give my fucking head a proper shake
Not sure how much more of this shite I’m willing to fucking take
Just sick of hiding the real me to be some kind of plastic fake

When will I accept I’m just as valid as the rest
Stand me up against anyone and put me to the test
But the simple fact is crap like that can’t really judge your best
All it does is re-affirm the shit that I detest

I need to find a purpose, set a realistic goal
Instead of swimming upstream, turn around and join the shoal
I mean lets face it, I’m mainly normal on the whole
But what’s the fucking point, when I’m faced with an empty bowl

How do you quantify something you can’t even define?
How do you make your mark, when all you want to do is shine?
Where’s the right to free expression, when you have to “toe the line”?
How can I call this MY world, when so little of the fucker is MINE?

Well anyway, I’m no-one, just another runner in the race
I join in, though it burns my Soul, I tire of the chase
But no one gives a fuck as long as I bow down with grace
Live, love, breed, fade, die… While taking up our little space

Billy 15/5/15

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You Don’t Have To Like Me!!!

 

Self-Censorship-Useful-or-Not

I’m trying to come across as angry
But laughing like a twat up my sleeve
I’m trying to sound all serious
As if any of you fuckers would believe

I’m trying to make a valid point here
And educate the selectively blind
Trying to open-up their eyes to the crap
And rub their faces, in what we find

I’m taking this one for the greater good
Let them throw what they have in my face
Then instead of the flurry of insults and shit
I’ll shame them with honour and grace

I’m very much a creature of language
And happy to stand by my use of it’s tools
Why should I temper my outburts
To accommodate someone else’s rules

It just makes me piss when I see it
And will not change the man that I am
If I did try to be what you wanted
Then my own life would be but a sham

So anyway, what I am trying to say
Is that no matter how loud your cry
I will not be the person you’re seeking
And I’m not even going to try 😀

Billy 17/02/15

The Night Cries

voices_in_my_head-mrmvlm-d

Well, it’s 3 a.m. and I’m still up
Don’t have so much of a sleep pattern, it’s more a random guess
Things kinda happen when they want
A holistic way of living that used get me by, more or less

But the system’s not holding together
Which is why pervasive thoughts invade the dark of night
When defense is weakened by comfort’s lies
Forcing deep subconscious stirrings, unable to run but unwilling to fight

Distorting lines that were straight by light of day
New realities forming in the mist, but not emerging from the gloom
The constant tingle, creeping up the spine
Reminiscent of that feeling when someone walks across your un-dug tomb

Unable even to complete a simple train of thought
The “rhubarb” of random crowd noises , a deafening echo within my own head
Chiding, jeering, mocking.. an imagined assault
A carcass strewn battlefield of reality, from which this tortured mind has fled

Seeking sanctuary as a way to ease the pain
Which I suppose would be best served by trying to close these eyes
To sleep, find some peace, maybe the voices will fade?
But it’s 3 a.m. and I am sat here.. And I’m still listening to their cries

Billy 30/12/14

Inside a Shattered Shell

leaf

Have you ever been alone in a room?
Yet somehow, still felt second best?
Do you feel cursed by individuality?
And just wish you were more like the rest?

Have you ever looked into that window?
And watched your own life passing by?
Have you ever just felt you’re unworthy?
But never really understood why?

Do you find that you’ve come to a standstill?
And a smile is a thing of the past?
Do you never allow love to break through?
Because you do not believe it can last?

Is denial of hope just a symptom?
A fear of rejections to come?
Or protective response to life’s heartbreaks?
“I can’t fight, so I’d rather feel numb”

Do you know what it means to feel broken?
Trying to hold together a shattered shell?
Your spirit on it’s hands and knees
When it tried to stand .. it fell

Have you ever thought, you might be wrong?
And that none of this is real?
These constant questions, raising doubts
I know exactly how you feel 😦

Billy 11/12/14

A Mindful Christmas

xmas

Guess what it’s nearly Christmas, that “magical” time of the year
The time when we’re all far too busy to think if our actions will really bring cheer
We’re all so swept up in the moment, so filled to the brim with our glee
We assume it’s the same for all others as well so we we fail to look up just to see

If we did take the time to look round us, look into the faces around
You may see some different expressions, you may not like what you have found
We all have our own little crosses to bear, some carry them under a screen
Some hide all their anguish behind a false smile as they don’t want the truth to be seen

Christmas is meant to be happy, it’s a time for our children to play
We shouldn’t be spoiling the moment, we shouldn’t let sadness get in the way
This feeling that this is what’s needed, although feeling that you just can’t cope
Is the true cost of Christmas for many, The tree lights don’t fill them with hope

I’m not saying don’t have a cracker, I’m not saying not to have fun
I’m just saying please think of others, just remember there’s always the one
That person who has their own reason’s, for sadness at this joyful time
Please just be aware that we’re not all the same and for some this is all just a mime

Billy 12/12/2013 😀

Indivi-Duality

brain

Hitting new lows head-on with a smile
Never submitting to sink without trace
A public mask, a screen to stay unseen
Society’s desire, for me to not show my real face

“Stop being so different.. Just do as we do”
“How come it’s so hard to just act like the norm?”
“We can’t have you thinking you’re not like the rest”
“Keep taking your tablets and try to conform”

I can’t help these feelings. I can’t stop these thoughts
I’m a victim of wars that I’ve fought in my head
The result of those battles, a delicate truce
A tenuous grip that’s averting the dread

This border within me, this line in the sand
Allowing some peace in tumultuous mind
This personal feeling, my own private jail
I’m the chain and the lock, It’s my heart that I bind

It’s finding a balance that allows me to breathe
I’m alive, that’s what counts in the grand scheme of things
You thinking my difference is your’s to define
Wont stop me from seeing what my own way brings

So just bear in mind, we are not all the same
Don’t judge me for showing the heart that I show
My thoughts are my own and I’m fighting my war
Am I winning or losing? Well, I may never know

Billy 29/11/2014 😀

Standing Strong

strong

I’m going to smile,

And I’m going to laugh,

Whether you fucking like it or not

 

I’m gonna get through,

I am going to survive,

Go ahead, throw whatever you’ve got

 

I’m gonna thrive,

I’m going to feel alive,

I can stand here and take your best shot

 

I will stand strong,

My strength will prevail,

Shit like this sadly can’t just be bought

 

I was given the best start,

Blessed with a good heart,

And a will that will kneel down to nought

 

This is one you can’t win,

You won’t break through this skin,

I wont bend at the waist for a despot

 

Billy 7/11/14