Life and Futility

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When you can’t get the words out
Or the feelings on the page
Brain just saying “Fuck you”
And refusing to engage
An internal tide of chaos
With no way to assuage
Too civilised, or programmed
To give in to the rage

The pain that burns inside
Leaves you virtually blind
You fumble in the dark
For any reasons you can find
Trying to collect
The scattered fragments of your mind
The ultimate desire
See what was broken re-entwined

But that way leads to hope
Hope never pays it’s way
Hope just makes suggestions
Of a path out of the grey
Hope’s a dangled carrot
First it’s shown, then pulled away
Hope is just a game
That we never asked to play

The thing I fear the most?
One day I’ll cease to care
And I’ll be less affected
As life pulls away my chair
One day I won’t react
When I see that life’s unfair
And I’ll just turn away from things
I just don’t want to bear

That will be the day I’ll know
That I just cannot win
And if I cannot see this through?
Then why should I begin?
The cards are stacked against us
And rigged to draw us in
The shit is always neck deep
There is no thick or thin

Billy 26/8/16

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